Hopefully it will be fun

I have a date tonight..my first since Matt..that was back in the first week of Jan. I have been talking to this guy for quite awhile and never was able to get together, so now he moved closer and we are amking the effort tonight. He is really nice and pretty damn hot. looking forward to it..just food and a movie..no big deal..very casual.

Not looking for anything specific now. For the first time in awhile I can truly say I just wanna have fun and date whomever and whenever and not stress about boyfriends and relationships.

Knowing me though..I will come back later this week and gush about how Im all in looooooove with this guy.

It's a curse, Im sure of it


All moved...well mostly

All put away and pretty much done. Bought the bookcase I wanted last night..so it looks better now in my room. Just need to clear out some little stuff from the old place and then it will be alllllllllllll done.

I am going to try and have a little house warming in a few weeks..y'all will be notified


To all of the friends who helped me move...again.

No words could thank them enough. With the fact that with this joint problem I have I can't lift shit..they did most everything.

So a huge thanks to My nepwew Jason, David of course, Tiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmy-thankyou thankyou, Michael-he might be an ex but still stepped up and helped, Andreas-always a goodtime even if it's moving, Carlos, and my co-worker Paul.

And then double thanks to Michael and Tim for helping again yesterday. Michael had to get all the kitchen stuff out of the old place and then Tim, Michael and I started putting away at the new place.

A couple more days and it should be pretty much done.



Happy Wednesday

Or Hump Day if you prefer..

Short post...lots has gone on

Still in pain..did more blood tests..doc doesn't have an appt open til Feb ...grrr

Moving in the next couple weeks..my friend Marq lost a roommate and I need to be out by the 15 th of Feb...so it worked out great..woo hoo

Matt and I broke up today..lesson learned..Im not capable of a long distance relationship



Sounds like we should flying cars and Jetson type houses in 2005. That would be cool!!

But we don't :(

Been really busy with work. Wishing I wasn't, my boyfriend surprised me and flew in a week early to celebrate xmas with me. So he has been here a week, doesn't have to leave till the 2nd..woo hoo.

We are looking at apartments. My lease is up at the end of Jan and my roommates are going to go live on their own. So he is applying at university jobs in this area. He currently works at the University in San Bernadino.

Still taking lots of Vicodin and Motrin to try to get this pain under control...no luck yet. As I said before it makes you very weary. Matt has been very caring and understanding about it, I just wish I didn't feel so crappy while he was here.

At any rate..everyone take care and have a wonderful New Years.

And special hugs to my girls...Jen, Holly and Carrie..muah!!

The Good and the Bad

Lets start with the good:

As I said in my last post awhile back..I have met a wonderful man..he grows more wonderful as time goes by. He will be coming up to stay with me for a week beggining on the 29th and I cannot wait :)

The Bad:

I have been horribly sick for over a month. It started at the end of Nov. The doc said I have a seriously infected prostate..now before all the jokes start flying, this infection is rare and does NOT come from anything sexual..as the doc said...Im just lucky. But the frustrating thing it makes you feel awful for a long time and they give you really really high level nasty antibiotics for looong time..and those make you feel awful also. So on top of that ugliness, I have also had just terrible joint pain and body aches for about 3 weeks. Finally today it got so bad that I went to Los Gatos Community Hospital ER. I could barely move...felt like a 90 year old on his way out.
So when I got in the ER, they did some initial tests and found that I was dehydrated to the max..so I got to feast on 2 bags of IV fluid..while they had the IV in, they went ahead a gave me some Tordal(the next step AFTER morphine) for the pain..yes it was that bad. Then they did a bunch of tests..without getting into anything to doctorish..there is a test that tells them the amount of inflammation that is raging in all your joints. It should read between 0-15...6 months ago when I had mild pain I was at a 17..today it came back a 32..basically double what it should be. So now Im home...doped up on 800mg Motrin AND Vicodin and still wishing I had less pain.

Whats is all mean??...More tests to determine why all my joints are so inflammed and then a course of treatment..whatever that may be. Constant pain at that level seriously wears you down..I have zero energy..and even stupid stuff like typing this entry takes ALOT of effort.

Back to the good:

I have a wonderful man who even though he lives 6 hours away, was on the phone with friends up here making sure I had someone to get my prescription and check on me.

I have wonderful,fantstic friends like David, Andy and Cody who drop what they are doing to make sure I have everything I need. And Tim who whether he knows it or not sends enough positive thoughts my way to make a differance.

It's 12:30 and Im waiting for the next round of the Vicodin/Motrin cocktail to kick in and make me drowsy..maybe tonight I will actually sleep..haven't done much of that the last month. Won't be online this week..most likely be at home the whole week..but the cell is always on. Just don't take offense if I sound crabby.

Merry Holidays and warmest wishes for a Happy Xmas


Happy but sick

I have found a wonderful man...I am on cloud 9 and so is he. Not saying anything else..do NOT want to jinx it.

So I am very happy, but also have alot of sickness in me...not going into details...just say that I am tired of infections and antibiotics..another month of them..which means no drinking :(

Tonight is the Clear Channel SF Holiday party..should be a good time. Hotel Nikko in SF..same place as last year. No drinking though...so I guess I will have get stupid without alcohol.



Meanwhile back on earth..

Last week I got to go to the Green Day concert...I cannot thank Tim enough..hugs and squeezes. What a fantastic friend he is..not only for sharing the concert, but for listening and being a great person :)

I have seen Green Day 3 times before...but this was by far the BEST concert I have been to in a long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...they were soooooooooooooooooooooooo good. Sugarcult was awesome too..NFG...ehhh.

So I went and got the new Green Day CD...I am sooooo addicted now..the album is like heroin..I cannot stop listening.

I read an interview with Billy Jo in Instinct magazine..they asked about his use of the word "faggot" on the album..he uses it to make a point...it's NOT derogatory..if you listen..you will get it. My 2 fave songs..one is called "Holiday" the other is "Boulevard of Broken Dream...see lyrics below for Boulevard.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams...Green Day

I walk a lonely Road
The only one I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk the empty streets
On the blvd of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And Im the only one and I walk alone
I walk aloneI walk aloneI walk alone
My Shadows the only one that walks beside me
My Shallow heart's the only thing thats beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
Im walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know Im still alive
And I walk alone

I think this year sucks ass

So much has happened to make it suck. So the following is just another example of getting clubbed over the head again and again.

Don't get me wrong...lots of good has happened too..just seems to always get overshadowed by awful things.

Sooooooooooooo the Childrens mother calls last night..to let me know about the insurance forms she sent in for the kids which I am paying for. Then gently lets me know that she has made a big decision.....

She is at the end of this school year, sell her house in Pleasanton and move WITH my kids to Oregon. Now I do totally understand her reasoning, but they are my kids and I am devastated to say the least. In the last 3 years I have had 3 fantastic job opportunities to move out of the state, I have always declined because I wanted to be in my children's lives. And again her reasons are valid, but I feel I will be missing out on most of their growing up.

Honestly I don't even know how to process this right now..I keep bouncing back and forth between fits of rage and crying. My brain is sooooooooooo much white noise right now.

I gotta go
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